Mrs Frog Goes to Town
by E. M. Morning
Summary: Mrs. Frog goes to town to do some grocery shopping. There she meets Mrs. Emerson for the first time.


There are few things Mrs. Frog does not enjoy in this world. One of these just so happens to be grocery shopping. She hates it, despises it with a burning passion. It is just too much work. First you have to make a list of things you need, and then you have to go through your money to see how many items on that list you can buy. After that you have to drive to the store, which means dealing with traffic. There is the option of walking of course, but that takes twice as long, and Mrs. Frog does not want to waste her time as something as boring as grocery shopping. Finally there is the actual shopping. Finding the correct items can be wearisome and it is more difficult with all of the people around.

Oh the people! To be honest, Mrs. Frog is not much of a people person. Well, not much of a stupid people person and that makes up a good portion of the city's population. Dealing with them at the comic book store is enough to drive her crazy. There is no need to put up with them any longer than that, especially if they are not going to give her any money.

So, Mrs. Frog often leaves the grocery shopping up to her husband, who passes the chore along to their two boys. Edgar and Alan do fine at shopping. That is, when they remember to. Sometimes Mrs. Frog will come out of her room to get a snack and she finds the cupboards empty. This is frustrating. Besides the boys forgetting to buy food, they also do not buy the best selection. Although she understands the importance of fruit and vegetables and all of those other boring "healthy" food, Mrs. Frog would appreciate it if they brought home some junk food. It would help her with her craving much better than apples or carrots. She is the one giving Edgar and Alan money after all. The least they could do is buy some food she adds to their list. It's selfish of them, really, that they would ignore their mother like that. Shameful is what it is! She will have to put an end to it and do things on her own like she always has to.

One afternoon Mrs. Frog decides to do this. She waits until Edgar and Alan are home to make the announcement that she is tagging along with them on their latest grocery shopping event.

"No," Edgar replies right away.

"Why not?"

Edgar and Alan exchange looks. Is it really necessary to explain why? One look at their mother and anyone could understand why they would avoid being with her in public. She is an embarrassing, stumbling, drugged up mess. But neither boy says this.

"We've got it covered."

"But you need my help," Mrs. Frog whines. "You never get anything good!"

"If we got anything good you and Dad would eat it all right away," Edgar answers.

"We can't afford that," Alan adds.

Mrs. Frog scowls. "I'm going! I am your mother and you have to do what we say!"

"Don't throw a tantrum," Edgar says as he goes through his book bag, looking for the notebook that contains the shopping list he created during school. "You need to start acting your age."

This sets Mrs. Frog overboard. She begins throw a fit, screaming and shouting about how no one in this damn fucking family ever shows her respect. Alan flinches at the harsh voice, but Edgar remains unfazed. He flips through his notebook, searching for the list. Mrs. Frog is in mid screech when Edgar interrupts her.

"Ok, you can go. Just stop talking."

Just as quickly as her tantrum had come on, it stops. Mrs. Frog smiles and returns to her dreamy, not-quite-there demeanor. "I'll drive!"

Mrs. Frog's good mood over her victory does not last long. It slowly begins to go downhill once they pull out of the driveway. Mrs. Frog is uneasy about driving in any amount of traffic, and Edgar is not making it any easier for her. He sits in the front seat, barking orders like a driving instructor. "I know how to drive!" Mrs. Frog exclaims. "What are you? Thirteen? You don't even know how to drive yet!"

"I'm fifteen, and I know how to drive better than you."

Alan sits in the back. He stares out the window to look out for anything that may be crossing the street that his mother or brother may miss while they bicker. Alan holds his breath as a cat dashes across the street. It goes unseen by Edgar and Mrs. Frog, but manages to beat the tires. Alan lets out a sigh of relief. He does not like being in cars, especially with his family. It can be a nerve racking experience.

By the time they enter the grocery store all hope is lost for a quick and easy trip. Both Mrs. Frog and Edgar are agitated, and Mrs. Frog is beginning to fall into another one of her episodes. The two storm right into the store with no real sense of direction. Alan is the one who grabs a shopping cart and hurries to catch up with them.

"Edgar, do you have the list?" Alan asks.

Edgar grumbles incoherently as he digs into his pocket. He hands a folded piece of paper out to Alan, but Mrs. Frog gets to it first. "What are you doing?" Edgar asks. "We need that!"

Mrs. Frog does not respond. She unfolds the paper and reads over the list. "Is this it? This is so boring!"

"It's practical and affordable," Edgar says as he snatches the list back. "Maybe if you stopped spending all of our money on drugs and those stupid movies we could buy more."

"Well, we are getting one fun thing. I am going to make sure of it. You two need to lighten up! You're so serious!"

"Someone has to be serious in this family."

Mrs. Frog shakes her head. "Let's just get this over with. I'm already getting a headache. The sooner we get home the better!"

"You're the one who wanted to come," Edgar reminds her.

They manage to get the first two items without much complaint. Milk and eggs; two of the basics. The debating beings when it comes time to chose which kind of apples to purchase. Edgar, of course, wants to go with the cheapest type. "We can get more for less."

"But I like the colour of these," Mrs. Frog says, holding an apple that is on the more expensive side.

"Do you know how much just one of those cost?"

"The other one is ugly!"

Edgar takes the apple out of his mother's hand and puts it back in its place. "Mom, stop acting like you're four years old. Who cares what the damn apple looks like?"

"Watch your language!"

Edgar rolls his eyes, and tells Alan to get five of the cheapest apples. Alan hesitates a moment under his mother's glare, but still follows his brother's orders.

While the three head for the bread aisle they pass a display of cookies. Mrs. Frog stops, leaving her children to go off on their own. When they do not take notice to her absence, she becomes frustrated. "Wait!" Mrs. Frog grabs a box of cookies and chases after her kids.

"Do you think if we run fast enough we'll lose her?" Edgar whispers to Alan.

"No. We aren't that lucky."

Edgar sighs, frustrated, once their mother manages to catch up with them. He becomes even more agitated when he sees what's in his hands. "What is that?"

"Cookies," Mrs. Frog says as she tosses them into the cart.

"We don't need cookies."

"Of course we do! How are we going to live off of just this other junk?"

"We don't need cookies," Edgar repeats.

Mrs. Frog pouts. "Well, seeing as I am the mother here, I say we are getting them!"

"Maybe we should let her, Edgar," Alan says.

Edgar shoots his brother a look. Alan is supposed to be on his side, not their mother's. But once he notices the look on Alan's face Edgar can tell that she is not the only one who wants the cookies. As much as he dislikes depriving his brother from the small amount of happiness, he must stick to his word. They have a budget to follow with very little wiggle room. "No."

"They can't be that bad."

"See," Mrs. Frog says, grinning. "Alan agrees with me."

"Do you even know how much they cost?" Edgar asks. "Do you have any idea how much any of this costs? We can barely afford the stuff we actually need."

"But they're just cookies-."

"No! And if you keep this up I'm going to make you wait in the car!"

"You can't tell me what to do!"

Alan watches his mother and brother argue. The desperate, panicking feeling he always has when the two get into a fight. He will have to be the one to smooth things over again, and one of them, if not both, will end up being mad at him in the end. As good as the cookies look, Alan knows that Edgar has the most logical stand in the argument. His mother may be mad at him, but they simply cannot afford it. "Maybe we don't need them," Alan cuts in, quietly.

Mrs. Frog scowls. "Oh, so now you are taking his side? Great! Everyone is always against me! No one ever wants to do anything I want to! And after all I do for this family!"

Edgar is about to shoot something back when Alan jabs him in the arm. "What?"

"Sam."

"Sam? What are you-."

"Hey, guys!"

Edgar turns around and finds their new, fashionable friend heading in their direction. He is not alone, he is with his mother. Edgar's cheeks heat up. Their moms have never met before. The differences between their mother and Mrs. Emerson are so vast, Edgar fears they may be lethal if they are combined. Mrs. Emerson is everything Mrs. Frog hates. She is clean, friendly, and practical. She may not be the problem, but Edgar can see his mother saying something terrible or stupid, especially in this state of mind. "We should leave now," Edgar whispers to Alan.

But it is already too late. The Emersons are there. "What are you guys up to?" Sam asks.

Edgar fumbles over his words before he manages to say "Buying food."

"Same here!"

"It is a grocery store, Sam."

Sam grins and ignores the mocking tone in Edgar's voice. "Oh hey, Mrs. Frog! How are you today."

"Fine," she replies with a small frown. "Edgar won't let me get the cookies."

Sam is about to laugh, but controls himself once he sees the expressions on his friend's face. Edgar looks like he is cut between being anger and being mortified. He scowls at his mother, trying his best to not say something back to her. Alan has taken a sudden interest in his shoes, and tries to block the rest out.

"I'm sorry," Sam says. "This is my mom, by the way. I don't think you two have ever met before."

"We haven't," Mrs. Emerson says. She is smiling and her tone is friendly, but she is also taking in the other woman. Lucy had some idea of what she may be like judging by the reports her boys had given her, but this is the first time she has seen her in person. In the kindest words, the woman is a mess. Her hair is long and tangled, and her outfit is a mix of many different colours and floral patterns. There is a faint odor of pot coming from her body. Mrs. Frog's appearance is very dated. She is still a hippy, trapped in her youth and unable to take on her new, responsible role as a mother. When Michael had described the Frog parents as "dead beat hippies" Mrs. Emerson had believed him, but this is a little more than she excpected. "Hi, I'm Lucy, Sam's mom."

"Sam?"

"Our friend," Edgar mumbles to her.

"Oh." Mrs. Frog grins. "I didn't know you two had friends now!"

"He's in the store almost every day."

"Oh. Sorry, I haven't noticed."

"Of course you haven't."

The conversation dies into an awkward silence. "How was your day at school, boys?" Mrs. Emerson asks Edgar and Alan.

They both shrug. "Alright."

"Well, we hope you won't be too busy later this week. Sam was just talking about having you two stay the night again this weekend," Lucy says. She turns towards Mrs. Frog. "Your boys are wonderful. We really enjoy having them around." She means it too. Although they are a strange pair, Lucy does like Edgar and Alan. They are nice to her son and are always well mannered. She also feels sorry for them with their shabby, sullen looks. The two Frogs often look starved of both food and affection, and Mrs. Emerson does whatever she can to make sure they get the chance to experience a normal family environment whenever they are over. She even goes to such lengths as cooking twice as much and goading her eldest son, Michael, to be extra nice to Edgar and Alan. Now that she has met their mother in person it is no wonder that those poor children always look so miserable.

Mrs. Frog studies Mrs. Emerson. She appears to be very suburban. How sad for her, Mrs. Frog thinks. How terrible it must be just another robot in society. But Mrs. Emerson is nice, which is more than most people she knows, so Mrs. Frog decides she is ok. And her boy is very colourful and interesting. Yes, they are alright enough for her children to be around. But those poor things! How tragic for them to be another faceless number in society! They should just stamp bar codes on their foreheads now to make it official. She will just have to remind them to the dangers of conforming in society before they go over to there again.

"They're alright," Mrs. Frog says. She is still smiling, but her tone is rather flat. Lucy is not sure what to make of the statement. She momentarily makes eye contact with Alan, but the boy quickly turns his attention back to his shoes. Poor things, Mrs. Emerson thinks sadly.

"We should get going," Edgar says. "We still need to get back to the shop to help Dad."

"Yeah," Sam says. "I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

"It was nice meeting you," Lucy says to Mrs. Frog.

"Yes." But Mrs. Frog's attention has already turned back to the cookies. Edgar managed to slip them back on the shelf when she was not looking. Once the boys start walking away, she grabs it again and carries it in her arms. He will not be taking her cookies this time!

Sam and Lucy watch as the Frog disappear into another aisle. "So, what did you think?" Sam asks.

There are many words Lucy could use to describe the woman she just met. Some of the words may not be so nice. "She's interesting," is all she says.

"Yeah. That's what Michael said."

* * *

><p><strong>Hi. I need to stop writing one shots and finish some multiple length chapters. Sorry again for my writing! And this was so short, but it was just one of those ideas I had to get of my head. Thanks for reading!<strong>


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